How Regular Check-Ins Saved My Relationship
Okay, okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration - and it was absolutely clickbait to get you to read this post because, honestly, I’m not even sharing that much personal tea in this post. GOTCHA! Anywho, relationship check-ins really are a game-changer in ANY relationship, but especially in a non-monogamous one. So read on for the good word and find my weekly check-in questions available in my store!
Why Are Check-ins Important?
Clear Communication
In non-monogamous relationships, communication is EVERYTHING. Regular check-ins provide a dedicated time to discuss feelings, boundaries, and any changes that might have occurred. It's like having a maintenance day for your relationship! It also provides an opportunity to practice any new communication skills, or to touch base about how new skills, strategies, or practices are working out.
Building Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and in non-monogamy, it's even more critical since there’s (usually) multiple people, hearts, and brains involved. Check-ins help partners feel secure and valued, knowing that their thoughts and feelings are being heard and respected.
Addressing Issues Early
Small issues can snowball into big problems if left unaddressed. Regular check-ins allow you to catch and address concerns early, preventing potential misunderstandings or resentment from building up.
Strengthening Bonds
Spending time to connect and communicate can deepen your bond with each partner. It's a chance to show your commitment to maintaining a healthy, loving relationship. I know that I’ve found that my relationships are stronger and more positive overall when we are spending quality time together.
How to Conduct Effective Check-ins
Schedule Regular Times
Make check-ins a regular part of your routine. Whether it’s weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, having a set time helps ensure they actually happen.
Create a Safe Space
Ensure that everyone feels comfortable and safe to express their true feelings. This means being open, non-judgmental, and patient with one another. I use the acronym HALT to make sure that we are both in the right headspace for a check-in. Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Eat a snack, get a cuddle, dance it out, or take a rest before diving in.
Use Open-Ended (or Pre-established!) Questions
Ask questions that encourage discussion rather than yes/no answers. For example, "How have you been feeling about our time together?" or "Are there any boundaries you'd like to revisit?" I use the same questions for every check-in, which you can find for download in my store.
Listen Actively
Really listen to your partners without interrupting. Show that you understand their concerns and feelings by summarizing what they’ve said and asking follow-up questions.
Be Honest and Transparent
Honesty is key. Share your feelings openly, even if they're uncomfortable. Transparency builds trust and prevents misunderstandings.
Topics to Discuss During Check-ins
Feelings and Emotions: How are you feeling about our relationship? Are there any emotions you've been experiencing that you'd like to discuss?
Boundaries and Agreements: Are there any boundaries or agreements that need to be revisited or adjusted?
Quality Time: Are we spending enough quality time together? How can we improve our time management to ensure everyone feels valued?
Future Plans: What are our upcoming plans? Are there any events or changes that we need to prepare for?
Sexual Health: How are we managing our sexual health? Are there any concerns or updates that need to be shared?
Non-monogamous relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, offering a diverse range of experiences and connections. However, they also require a high level of communication and trust. Regular check-ins are like the glue that holds everything together, ensuring that all partners feel heard, valued, and loved. So, grab your calendar, set a date, and start those heart-to-heart conversations. Your relationships will thank you!
