Building a Self-Pleasure Practice
As a sex educator and coach, my first question when taking on a new client who wants to solve a pleasure problem in their life is usually, “Can you tell me about your self-pleasure* practice?” *cue anime eye blink blinks*
Developing a regular practice of self-pleasure is integral to understanding your desire, arousal, and sexual response. Solo sex is your most important tool (besides great communication) for having a healthy and satisfying sex life.
But Cady, how do I do that?
Let me teach you.
You’ll find some of my favorite *Hot Tips* in this post, but you can find the full guide available for download in my store!
Space
*Hot Tip* Try setting a timer so that you don’t have to check your phone or pay attention to time passing. This can help you stay engaged in the present moment.
Intention
*Hot Tip* Goals and intentions are different, and it’s easy to get caught up in the goal of orgasm. Try some solo sex that DOESN’T include an orgasm and see how your bodymind reacts!
Embodiment & Consent
*Hot Tip* If you’ve already identified what objects or toys you may be using during your practice, you can also try holding these items close to you and observing your body’s reaction.
Breath
*Hot Tip* See if you can make it through a whole solo session WITHOUT holding your breath!
Sound & Movement
*Hot Tip* Okay, time for a quick anatomy lesson. The vagus nerve is part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms your body after you've been in a stressful situation. As humans living in late-stage capitalism, we are under constant stress. This means that vagus nerve stimulation is a REALLY good thing. One of the best ways to stimulate your vagus nerve In order to de-stress is through making sound, as the vagus nerve is highly connected to the vocal cords!
Touch
*Hot Tip* Have you heard about edging? Edging is when you bring yourself just to the point of climax and then remove stimulation to prevent yourself from having an orgasm. This can take some practice, but once you’ve invested some time and energy into learning your body’s cues and reactions, you can incorporate edging easily to change up your practice every now and then. Try it once, then increase the number of “edges” and see what your sweet spot is. How fun!
Aftercare
*Hot Tip* If you have time, I also encourage my clients to journal. This is both to gather data (What was your intention? What did you try today? What were the results?) and to reconnect with themselves. Other journal prompts to consider include: Were you feeling resistance before your practice? When were you finally able to let go? How do you feel differently now? Would you do it again? What would you change?
Now, go forth and bring more pleasure into the world.
We could all use a little more of it.
*To be clear, by self-pleasure I do mean masturbation, but the word masturbation’s etymology essentially means “to defile oneself with one's hand” which is toxic af in my professional opinion.
**Feeling like you need an anatomy lesson? Head to my IG @ageofsexploration and DM me or shoot me an email at cadysmoore@gmail.com.
